A Question of Identity	back to Articles
Written by Phil Heinricy · First published in 6ft+ magazine

Why do some 'Tallies' seem to love their height, and view it as a positive advantage, while others hide away, slouch, and do everything they can to either try to disguise their height, or to simply not put themselves into a position where someone might notice how tall they are?

As is so often the case, it has taken me a long time to spot the blatantly obvious: it's simply a question of identity!

We all have a number of roles in life, and it is these roles which identify us within a given group of people. The managing director of a major company is afforded great respect when he walks through the offices of his company, but hardly merits a second glance when out shopping with his wife, and even less attention if he should be made redundant.

Career women, long recognised for their skills and position in the company, suddenly seem to lose their identity totally, when they become "Sarah's mum" or, worse still, "Fred's wife". The role is different, and the individuals themselves sometimes have to fight for recognition of their individuality.

How does this relate to tall people? It was Martin Bayfield who unwittingly pointed me in the right direction, when he asked Mary Noakes on the Kilroy programme: "Why do you feel the need to wear that T-shirt?", (the TPC 'Answers to Dumb Questions one. Ed) and implied that it was contributing to a negative view of her height on her part.

Mr Bayfield is a 6ft 10in rugby international - actually, no. He is an England international rugby player, who is also a police officer, and happens to be 6ft 10in. Are you getting my drift?

We all have something about us for which we are recognised, and we assign it a level of importance within our lives as a whole. For some 6ft women it is the fact that they are earning a good living as a model, and are to be seen on the cover of glossy magazines - they are models first, and being tall comes way down their list of important identifiers.

For men it might be that they have excelled at sports, so they become the university darling, for scoring that all important point in the last match - they are sportsmen first, and being tall is, once again, way down the list of identifiers.

For me it was music, among many other things, that helped me to learn to love my height. Yes, I know it sounds crazy, but the very hobby I took up because it was something I could pursue in solitude turned out to be one of the main influences in developing a positive attitude towards this body of mine.

One evening, I was asked to play in public, to a crowd of people in my local. Actually, I was conned into it, but that's another, much longer, story. From that evening on, I began to be known as the guy who was a good singer and guitarist, who happened to be tall, and my attitude began to change. My height became an added advantage, because when people talked about local entertainers, they could often not remember names, and their descriptions left a lot to be desired. In my case it was easy: I was the tallest local entertainer around! Instant recognition, and unmistakable identity, but I was the musician first, and being tall came way down the list.

So, how can this help other people who are not yet at peace with their greatest asset?

Just think about all of the well known tall people you have heard of or know. Clive Mantle - 6ft 5in actor, best known for his role in "Casualty"; Chris Searle - 6ft 6in radio broadcaster, and still trying live down "That's Life"; John Dunne - 6ft 7in radio broadcaster, but how many people even realise that he is tall; Richard Kiel - 7ft+ actor, best known as "Jaws" in James Bond movies. The list goes on, but I bet you're getting the picture by now.

If you are a 'Tallie' who isn't best pleased with your altitude, then it's time to examine your attitude. If being tall is in your mind the only feature which identifies you to the world, then you are certain to attract those unwelcome remarks. If you are prepared to push through that, and to put other skills and abilities on show, and to be recognised for them, you are well on the way to becoming a person who happens to be tall, instead of just a tall person.

You don't suddenly have to have a record in the charts, your face on the cover of Vogue, or be sentenced to twenty years for armed robbery to achieve this alternative identity, you merely have to be prepared to indulge in a spot of self-promotion. If you don't think that you are worth promoting, you need to take a long hard look at yourself, because no-one else is going to do it for you.

Recognition for most people comes from simple things: a job well done; raising money for charity; drawing and painting; sports, almost anything, in fact, and it doesn't have to be earth shattering, either. What is important is how you see yourself.

For me, it is my music and my ability to entertain, my sense of humour, the fact that I can play a decent game of chess (last graded at 107, and have beaten many a 130+ player, for the chess enthusiasts among you), that I enjoy meaty discussions, am intelligent (that is not open for discussion), speak two languages fluently and, by the way, I happen to be tall as well. Immodest? Maybe, but because I believe in me, and I actually like me, other people believe in me, too, and see me more as I see myself.

Take a long hard look in the mirror, and what do you see? A tall person first and everything else second? A wife and mother? A working man, father and provider? A career woman? A success, or a failure? Whatever it is that you see is what you project to the world around you, so don't be surprised if that is what they see, too.

Step one is learning to respond positively and assertively to the remarks that we have all endured. When someone gives me the "Gosh, you're tall, aren't you" routine, I look at them with confusion on my face, and answer: "No, I'm Phil", or "You must be thinking of someone else. My name is Phil". Trust me, it works, because I'm asserting me rather than my principal physical characteristic. They soon get the point, and they talk to me rather than to the tall guy.

Inevitably, some people will respond negatively to that approach, and will go off in a huff. Why? Because they have just lost control of the situation, when you took the initiative with your response. Some people can't handle having that control wrenched from them in such a direct way, but ask yourself this: if someone's ego is so fragile that they can't accept you reminding them of your individuality, are they the sort of person you want to deal with, anyway?

There is no denying that your height is an integral part of you, but it is not all of you, just a small part of that incredibly complex being that you are. Accept that that is all it is, and you are well on the way to being the you you are capable of being, in fact, always have been. You just got the balance wrong.

Go on, take a look in the mirror and think about what you see. Do you see the person, or the height? Your height is a physical fact, and you can't change it, so you might as well flaunt it!

Here is my challenge to you for the coming year: I dare you to become the person you know you are.

Don't you think it's about time you became the person you know you are instead of just being the one the rest of the world thinks you are. You could be depriving the rest of us from getting to know someone really special - how dare you??!

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